A New Day

I've thought about starting a blog at least 100 times within the past year.  Post ideas would come to mind, but I always managed to convince myself that it was a bad idea. What do you know about blogging?  You shouldn't put your business out there like that.  Nobody cares what you have to say.  These were just some of the lines I gave myself that would cause me to think twice, close my laptop, and get busy doing something else.

Well friends, today is a new day. 

Four months ago, I came to grips with the fact that some serious change needed to happen in my life.  Here is a preview of the darkness: I was always tired--even after eight plus hours of sleep some nights.  My mood swings were out of control and negatively impacting my relationships.  Speaking of relationships (with self, God and others), I was unfulfilled.   I was depressed.  Unhappy.  Heavy.  Literally and figuratively.  I could no longer flash a fake smile to the world.  I thought I was loosing my mind. Honestly, I probably was.  

I have known the Lord most of my life and was completely aware that my spiritual connection was not where I knew it should be. But if I can be honest, I wasn't feeling God working in my life (the way I thought he should) and I was angry.  I lost sight of prioritizing quality time with Him through prayer, meditating on his Word and serving his people because I was on "woe is me" mode.

But how many know Jesus will NEVER leave us nor forsake us--even in our "mess." 

One Sunday morning during church, I cried out to the Lord in a way that I never have before.  I told the Lord that I was broken (like He didn't already know!)  and that I knew He was the only one that could fix me.   I asked him to heal my mind, and get this, I BELIEVED that he could and would do it with everything in my being. The Lord responded to me and told me that I was healed and I was made free, according to my faith.  Soon after, I had this strong urge to run.  So that's what I did--I ran around the church like a mad woman!  I had never done any thing like that before but the Holy Spirit moves when and how He wants to.  My family jokingly calls it my "victory lap moment," and that is exactly what it was.

If you are hoping that the next part of this story is that I, along with everything in my life from that day forward was completely perfect, that's not my testimony.  What did happen is that I entered into a deeper revelation on two concepts:  1) God's love for me and 2) The need to apply more discipline and commitment to my life.

While I don't understand God's love, I am eternally grateful for it.  He is showing me each day how much he loves me and it is a truly amazing and humbling experience. Through this process, I am learning to love myself more by eliminating negative self-talk and replacing it with what God says about me through meditating on his Word.  I'm also making more healthy decisions that are positively impacting every area of my life.

Quick praise report: I have lost 20 pounds over the past three months.  This has been a direct result of increased discipline and commitment to exercising and eating clean.  I will tell you more about how my plan in future posts. I’m not where I want to be, but I know I will reach my goals because I am more focused than ever before.

You may be wondering what’s up with the blog title.  Fitness deals with health and health deals with soundness of body or mind.  Another definition speaks to health as being free from disease or ailment.  I thought the alliteration with my last name could work.  That and all the other “deep” titles I typed into Blogger were taken, lol.  I didn’t want another excuse to hold me back from starting this thing so I just went with it. 

So, am I an expert blogger?  Nope.  Will some people pass judgement and/or overlook my posts? Probably.  Am I nervous about opening myself up to the world? Heck yeah!  I still don't have all the answers,  but here is what I do know.  When I woke up this morning with that all too familiar urge to start blogging, I decided to ignore the voice in my head that was telling me to stop.  I have a day off from work today so there was really no excuse. For someone like me who is typically pretty risk-averse, the fact that I hit the 'publish' button on this thing means something.  It's real progress on my personal journey that I am walking out one day at a time.